how to find the four secrets of a happy relationship with your child
“The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” — Dalai Lama
(Excerpt from my manuscript “Where can I find Happiness for my Child” ©)
— I just want to be loved! – the teenager answered me and again buried his nose in the computer.
He leafed through the Internet, jumping from one site to another, and with all his appearance showed me, “Come away from here”
— Do you know what love is? – I asked.
— Sure! – the teenager grunted and again buried his nose in the computer.
— Great! I don’t know yet … – I said.
— Really?! – the teenager laughed, not looking up from the screen and showing with all appearance that all these pedagogical techniques were already familiar to him.
“I’m learning this,” I said.
The teenager looked at me and grinned:
— Do you want to be taught?
— No. I do not need to be taught. I want to learn myself. – I answered and continued: “You know, just when we learn to love, the first thing we meet is to be able to forgive. And for this, you need to learn to accept yourself and others as they are.
— Listen! Well, this is some kind of sermon . . . ”the teenager answered, looking at me with disbelief.
— No. I just shared with you what I’m learning myself – I smiled, about to leave.
— I’ve told. I just want to be loved! – repeated the teenager, continuing his surfing on the Internet.
— I love you! – I said.
— Ha! Really!? – He laughed and, leaning back in his chair, looked at me with interest and added: “But what about my academic results? And anyway . . . Behavior – oops . . .”
— Of course, I love. Not for something . . . Just because you are being in my life… You are one for me. Same as each from all students . . . You are all unique. How can I go to work every day if I don’t love you? Or when I don’t love what am I doing here? I can’t do that because I also love myself.
— And do you love everyone? I don’t believe!
— Yes. And you also helped me now to understand more deeply how important what I am learning about Love. Thank you! About your student results . . . You know you yourself decide what they should be. You just know, when we do not realize the value of what we have, we cannot take this with us. Sometimes we regret it later, sometimes not.
— Okay! These are all words! – the teenager grunted and again buried his nose in the computer.
Not only . . . My mother could not finish her studies because she did not have such an opportunity. And her example is not the only … – I did not have time to finish.
“Well, I have no problem with that!” – the teenager laughed. – Everything is all right with me! I’ll finish school, then England, then . . . Well, in general, everything is paid!
— It is good when there are such opportunities. Only we talked about love. Can you answer one question? – I asked.
— It depends which . . .” – the teenager looked at me warily.
— If you do not want to answer – do not answer. – I said and continued: “The question is simple – Why do you need to be loved?”
Our conversation at that time was short-lived, but what appeared to be what I call “Heart-to-Heart relationships” appeared in our relationship.
Later, a teenager told me one phrase that I want to share with you: “You know, you are a normal teacher! Well … I mean, you don’t learn how to live. “
— You know, I’m learning this too! – I laughed.
— Really?! – the teenager laughed in response.
— Yes. I have learned a lot from you. Thank you!
On love and the ability to accept each other as we are, read more in each Secrets.
Now, about the words that helped me see the wisdom of our children and was the inspiration of creating the 4 simple rules for relations with children to share with you.
“I want to be loved …” I have heard these words in different versions, from children of all ages, many times. That is why I didn’t need to write the name of the hero of this story.
Each time I have heard these words, a child has helped me see how much I need to improve in myself.
Our relationship with children is not a scheduled meeting – “give your child 30 minutes a day to talk”, a relationship is not the consequence of miraculous recipes “Praise your child more often” or “Hug you child 30 times a day”.
- Relations with children are primarily relations with ourselves as we can only share what we have within us.
Our relationship with children needs to a heart-to-heart one.
We can create the best relationship with our children only when we create that from the heart to the heart.
Heart-to-Heart relationships can only be formed with sincerity, above all, with yourself. Children feel it very subtly. As soon as we start talking to them “from the mind”, they stop hearing us.
To give your child the best foundation for success and happiness, we need to build a “Heart-to-Heart” happy and successful relationship.
We can create this relationship by asking ourselves the questions discussed in this article and patiently listening to what our heart answers.
I hope these Four Secrets will help you successfully implement a “Heart-to-Heart” relationship with your child:
- These secrets will help you improve the values that are in each of us, a help us become even more:
- Developing “Heart-to-Heart” relationships with children will help them consciously create their own happy life by being able to:
– take responsibility for their choices
– love and be grateful
– listen to their heart and the heart of others
– realize their own uniqueness
And . . .
These Four Secrets are also important for young children. I have seen 3 and 4-year-old children have the wisdom in their hearts equal to me . . .
- These Secrets also help to found answers to the questions:
– How can I create a trusting relationship with my child?
– How can I help my child to become successful and happy?
P.S. The most valuable in our life usually is very close. We just need to find that. With love, Olga Verasen
“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupеry, The Little Prince