First Secret: be close, but do not cover the light
Why is this secret important?
Light helps us find our own way in life
When we begin to share our experiences from the perspective of “I know”, even with the best of intentions, we turn into a sign “Go there!” or “Do that!” or “Be this!”
There have been many examples in my life when I advised my children to do “this or that” and . . . my advice was rejected.
At first, it aroused my indignation and I complained to myself, “I have the best of intentions, I’m wiser!”, and then turned to . . . joy, as I realized, “It’s wonderful, my children want to create their own life!”
Of course, my support is important to them, but not my sermons.
If you want to see your children happy, give them the opportunity to create their own happiness.
For this, transfer the responsibility for building their own happiness, to them.
— Personal development is proportional to the development of responsibility. Give your child this opportunity.
“But you know that you are a bird and you do have wings,” said Father Bird.
“And soon you will be able to rise high into the beautiful blue sky and fly,” chimed in Mother Bird.
Mother Bird and Father Bird gently hugged Little Bird Why with their big warm wings.
They all looked into the big blue sky where they would soon spread their wonderful wings and fly high above the land together.
Little Bird Why looked down at her little fuzzy yellow wings and smiled. Now she knew exactly why she needed them . . . ” — from the book “Magic Fairy Tales for children and parents”
Second Secret: be generous, but do not expect gratitude
Why is this secret important?
When we wait for gratitude, we become prosecutors and bookkeepers, judgmentally counting the slights and affronts
Sitting opposite me was a woman of about forty who lamented, “I gave them my whole life! All of it! Now, look! They are ungrateful!”
I speak with her and can see that she feels the many “stones” she is carrying on her shoulders . . .
Perhaps you have heard such words more than once. Perhaps you have said them yourself.
I have also been tempted to say, “How much more can I give?”, but instead I learned to ask myself, and honestly answer one question, “Am I bestowing love to my child or am I selling it?”
When we expect something in return, like recognition, gratitude, respect, or admiration, then love is for sale.
— A gift is a gift . . . When we are generous and share from our hearts, then we bestow.
“It would be better if someone helped me!” complained Little Fluffy Cloud, looking around.
Rising higher and brighter in the sky, Sun said, “When you expect help, you get angry if it’s late or never comes.” — from the book “Magic Fairy Tales for children and parents”
Third Secret: be sensitive but first listen to yourself
Why is this secret important?
If we hear own selves, we can hear own children
In response to my question: “What helps you achieve such incredible successes and conduct business on a vast territory,” one of my friends, the owner of a large construction company, said, “You see, I always have the little boy who looks at the world with delighted eyes. I love him because while he is alive, I am alive . . . And he helps me understand my children.”
— Strong relationships are always created on the basis of the ability to listen to own heart and listen to each other from the heart.
— A happy person creates a life according to their heart and takes responsibility for what their heart creates.
“Puzzled, young Grasshopper thought for a while and then asked with a shake of his head, “What do you mean?”
“Everyone has their own Song in their heart, but sometimes this song is so quiet they can’t hear it.” Grandpa Grasshopper said.
“Does your Violin help them hear their heart’s song?!” young Grasshopper exclaimed with excitement.
“I hope so!” Grandpa Grasshopper said with a smile.
“Are all songs from the heart the same?” young Grasshopper said with growing interest.
“No, our songs are all different!” Grandpa Grasshopper answered.
Young Grasshopper was silent for a while again. Then he carefully touched the Violin and timidly asked, “Grandpa . . . Tell me please, what will my song be?”
“About what your heart sings.” Grandpa Grasshopper answered with a smile and hugged young Grasshopper.” — from the book “Magic Fairy Tales for children and parents”.
Fourth secret: be free to allow your child to be free
Why is this secret important?
Our children are not our property, we don’t own them
We can only share what is in ourselves . . .
All the best that we create in a relationship is the result of personal development and improvement. That’s why a family also needs to be constantly developing and improving.
Nature’s law of evolution also applies to family relationships.
In my practice, I have never met parents who said, “Yes! I want my child to grow up unhappy and unsuccessful.”
Even parents acting with good intentions can limit a child’s freedom by imposing their own limitations.
A child can create their own happiness and success if they are given the freedom to create their own Master’s position.
If we do not develop the position of Master in our own lives, we become slaves to fears. A slave can turn into a dictator to those around them, to their children and, above all, to themselves.
— Allow your child to be free so they can be Masters of their own life.
“ Happy Home opens his door. Fairy Tales thank Happy Home for his warmth and care and, one by one, spread their brightly colored wings, and rise into the big blue sky.” — from the book “Magic Fairy Tales for children and parents”.
Parents-child relationships – Four Secrets, let’s summarize
I shared with you the Four Secrets of a Heart-to-Heart relationship with your child which was developed from my personal and professional experiences.
Why did I name them secrets?
Because they are actually close to us at every moment. They only need to consciously recognized as important to learn and use them. The small practices that I shared with you will help you use them.
They are simple, powerful and will resonate with the wisdom of life once you start using them.
Family relationships, as Life, are constantly developing. These practices will help that development lead to improvements in your family relationships! Only knowledge that is followed by conscious action, will lead to change.
Just do it! May my books also become your assistants in improving your Heart-to-Heart relationship with your child!
With love, Olga